


The Journal of Kim Yukwon

by kassadyn



Series: Flowers On A Page [1]
Category: Block B
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Hanahaki Disease, M/M, dont worry i love kwonnie, i didnt want to kill him off but i did anyway, this hurt me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-06
Updated: 2017-01-06
Packaged: 2018-09-15 04:38:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9219362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kassadyn/pseuds/kassadyn
Summary: Yukwon has a journal where he records his important life events. However, he loves Minhyuk more than anything, and writes about him more than anything.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I tried doing the journal parts italics, but the formatting wouldn't transfer over, sorry bout that :"C

Kim Yukwon - 2011

"I'm very happy to see myself as an idol with my bandmates. We just released the MV for "Freeze!!" and I couldn't help but admiring Minhyuk-hyung with his crimson hair. I never thought I'd ever see myself infatuated with another man, but these feelings will just go away, I'm sure of it. I really do enjoy the company of the rest of the group, but it's going to be a hard and long road before we really become famous. Well, lets hope for the best! Fighting!" 

Kim Yukwon - 2013

"It's been two years since I started working in Block B with my bandmates, and my crush on Minhyuk-hyung hasn't gone away, and I don't think it will at this point. I really don't know what to say to him about this, he'll probably just reject me. It's taboo to have a relationship like that anyway, especially in the idol world. Thankfully, I've gotten close to him and I want it to stay that way, I don't want to ruin our relationship and maybe even the entire group. I don't want to be our downfall."

Kim Yukwon - 2014

"It's been a month or two since Jackpot had been released, and I can't get the sight of Minhyuk-hyung in that black suit out of my mind. It's been my everything during performances too. I just absolutely love him in those types of outfits, and I hope we get to do more songs where thats an option."

Kim Yukwon - 2015

"I got paired up with Jihoon and Minhyuk to do a subunit project called Bastarz. I'm really happy about being able to work with him in not one, but two bands now. I had some trouble during the recording of Conduct Zero however. During the choreography sections I kept wanting to look to the side rather than straight at the camera, I wanted to stare at and observe everything about his attire for this rather darker theme. I was supposed to resemble a vampire, and this vampire wants more than blood. While that's all good, I've had a larger issue come up. I started coughing up bright orange tiger lily petals, some of them stained with blood, this absolutely shocked me. I heard about Hanahaki before, but I never thought I'd personally get it. I was dying, and I really don't want the surgery, I don't want to forget Minhyuk-hyung."

Yukwon tucked a tiger lily petal into his diary and closed it with a little bit of force. He signed and snuggled back into his blankets, checking the clock on his phone - 4 AM. He had been up all night having a coughing fit and thinking about Minhyuk, and he would be absolutely wrecked in the morning. Yukwon started to finally doze off after venting to his book of secrets, a book that could ruin the friendships within Block B. That was something that struck fear into the poor boy's heart, a heart of which is being constricted by roots of tiger lillies. Those tiger lillies were Yukwon's pain, they were his fear, and his love for Minhyuk.

Kim Yukwon - 2016

"It's safe to say this is my last entry. Bastarz promotions for the Welcome To Bastarz album have been concluded, and a Europe tour is scheduled in late winter of 2017. But I feel as if I won't see the light of day for that tour. It hurts to think that the fans will either have to see nothing, or a voice missing. I don't want to die, I don't want to make anyone cry, but I really can't bring myself to get the surgery, after all, it's too late for that. I'm in the hospital, on my death bed, refusing to get what my body needs. My coughing fit won't stop, theres blood on the pages now. I think I'll end up dying overnight. I'm sorry, mom and dad. I'm sorry, BBCs. I'm sorry, my friends and bandmates. And I'm especially sorry, Minhyuk-hyung, for being so selfish."

The journal was one of the last things Block B had to remember their dearest Yukwon.

They were still in shock over his death even though it's been a week or so after Hanahaki had taken him away by crushing his lungs with roots and filling them to the brim with tiger lillies. Jiho hadn't let anyone open the journal to see what Yukwon had written, they didn't want to dig into his personal life and his secrets. Minhyuk had other plans though. In the middle of the night he had stolen the journal to read it's contents. Each page held a new paragraph about Yukwon's time in Block B, almost every single important event was written about, but one thing written more than that was his love for the older. Minhyuk's fingers trembled when reading everything Yukwon had said, every compliment he wanted to give but could never say, every charm and feature he was attracted to. Minhyuk gave out and felt tears run down from his tired eyes, dampening some of the pages as he continued to read, soon coming across tiger lily petals tucked between pages.

Minhyuk took one of the petals and held in gently, "Kwonnie... I'm so sorry, I'm the one who made you die." He mumbled, hearing footsteps and an opening door behind him. He turned around to see Jiho looking at him with an expression that made him want to cry more, he knew about all of this, he read the book but didn't want anyone else to. "Why did he have to bottle everything up like this?" He wiped his tears away with his sleeve, "Now he's dead because of me. Because I couldn't take his hints of affection and admiration, he's dead. Gone forever." Minhyuk's sobs had become louder.

Jiho pulled his hyung into a tight embrace, "It's not your fault, nobody is to blame here." He shooshed him and gently patted his back, comforting the raven haired man. "It was very loyal of him to never let go of his feelings for you, hyung. He truly cared about you, about all of us. Instead of mourning him, we should do what he probably wanted us to do, and that is to make the fans happy. Let's continue what we started for him, okay?"

Minhyuk wanted to believe him, and he did, but there was still a dull pain in his heart. The pain of killing your best friend by being so oblivious.

"Okay. But the fact I killed Kwonnie still stands."

**Author's Note:**

> Aaaghhh this hurt to write, but I might make it into a series where I take a more fantasy turn with a spooky ghost Kwonnie.
> 
> Just maybe.


End file.
